Wednesday, September 30, 2009

How to have sex with a porn star

As a randy husband with a wife who is only occasionally interested in sex, I’ve had to find ways of finding sexual healing. As I’ve strenuously pointed out, I don’t have affairs. So what’s a guy to do?

Since I started this blog I wondered if I’d share with my small public a peculiar hobby I’ve developed. It’s nothing I’m particularly proud of. It is, quite possibly, unique in the world of sexual fantasy.

I’ve already talked about my penchant for collecting photos of beautiful naked women off the internet (See blog “Pornography“). There’s nothing unusual about that. I’ve never paid for one yet my collection certainly runs in the thousands of photos.

One day I saw in a magazine several photos an artist had created. It was quite an odd idea. The artist would take pornographic photos and remove the people with sophisticated Photoshop techniques creating the scene as if the models had just left the set.

This got me to thinking of something I could do with my growing collection of photos. Instead of taking people of photos, I’d be adding people to photos.

I’m a pretty good amateur photographer. I’ve got a Nikon digital camera and good Nikkor lens and a few flashes. With a basic understanding of lighting I thought I could pull it off. “What?” you ask. Here’s how it works:

  1. Pick some of my favorite photos of naked women in particularly suggestive poses.
  2. Find a place in the house that is similar to the scene the woman is in.
  3. Set up my flashes to mimic the lighting in the photos.
  4. Put my camera on a tripod.
  5. Line up my shot.
  6. Set the timer on the camera.
  7. Take off my clothes.
  8. Get an erection.
  9. Push the shutter and get in front of the camera.
  10. Assume a sexual position and wait for the shutter to fire.

This leaves me with — that’s right — photos of myself naked with a hard-on. Next I would:

  1. Download my photos onto the computer.
  2. Open the photo of the naked girl in Photoshop.
  3. Use the extract function to isolate just the girl.
  4. Shrink down the photo of myself until it’s the same relative size as the girl.
  5. Drag the photo of the girl onto the photo of me. (Or on rare occasions vice versa.)

I could get heavily into the techniques I’ve developed but I won’t. I just mention that it involves a lot of work with layers and the snapshot and clone tools.  After some cleaning up of the combined photos I’m left with a photo of me with a naked porn star.

My first attempts were pretty crappy looking, but over the years I’ve gotten so good that many of my creations look absolutely real. In some combined photos I’m merely standing with my arms around the naked woman. In others the girl is sucking my penis. In a few I’m happily eating pussy. In many I’m partially to fully penetrating the girl’s vagina or, on occasion, anus. And finally there are a some that look like she’s either just sucked me off or I’ve just pulled out after coming inside her. I’ve even gotten pretty good at painting in drops of cum.

I guess the oddest part of all this is the production I’ve gone through to get photos of myself. I’ve done maybe ten sessions over the years so now I have a wide selection of me in any number of positions and different lighting setups. The hardest thing (no pun intended) is to keep an erection when I’m fooling with camera settings, etc.

I’ll admit this too … I’ll use Photoshop to increase the apparent size of my penis. In many of these photos I look like I’m endowed just like some of the bigger male porn stars. Male enhancement pills? I don’t need no stinking male enhancement pills.

The fewer apparent touch points between me and the girl the easier it is. I also have to consider how arms and legs should overlap. It’s most difficult to make it look as if my hands are really on a girl’s body. I like to try to make it look like I’m squeezing a girl’s breasts, but if I don’t have my hands in just the right position and correctly spaced, it won’t look right. And then you get into the problem of shadows.

If I’m only touching the girl with my penis it’s easy. A few times there have been a number of contact points, like lying on top of a girl. That’s much harder to pull off but when it works it seems that much more real.

I also have to take into consideration the angle the girl has been photographed and if the photographer used a wider or more telephoto lens. If the perspective is too different between my photo and the girl’s then it’s less likely to appear real.

So I guess this is the ultimate question. Is it exceedingly weird for me to get off looking at my finished product — of me apparently fucking a porn star? Well, it really does get me hard. You can also ask if this is wrong somehow. Well, I’m not spending time chasing girls and having affairs. Are these photos an expression of desire to have sex with dozens and dozens of sexy women. Well, duh! If this fantasy world keeps me faithful to my wife then that’s a good thing.

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