you think i want you for my lover?
that would be nice, don’t get me wrong, that would be… nice.
but really i would only be softening you up
for the main course
i would only be marinating you to be served at God’s table.
you see, i want your freedom
more than anything
more than your hands on my body
more than your breath inside me
more than your warm, deep kisses
you thought you could come to Kali’s house
and play with fire
without getting burned up
on the cremation grounds?
what were you thinking?
the Mother is dancing, naked, laughing,
bathed in ashes, grieving your death
while you are still here breathing.
She is celebrating your death,
while you are still clinging desperately
to all your ideas of who you are.
and you still think I want you for my lover.
Stupid! I want to mesmerize you with bliss
until you drop your guard for just a moment
until you slip for just a moment
into surrender
into surrender
for just a moment
and then I’ll pour what’s left of you
into God’s mouth
like the finest red wine
to wash down the meal
and you and God will be so happy then
like two lovers after hours and hours of love
punctuated by a perfect feast
prepared by the Chefs of Heaven
with warm tummys
resting entwined
engulfed devoured
happily exhausted
breathing together
like the waves
of the ocean
yes, you and God will be so happy then
that it will not matter what I did to get you there
you’ll forgive me,
laughing and crying all at once
for how I tricked you
you’ll forgive me for tricking you
into believing
i was just a woman who wanted you
for my lover
and you’ll know it’s true then–
i could never only want that
i could never only want that
because once you see
once you know
once you feel the bliss of God
you’ll know, that really,
all this human lovemaking is just…
well… it’s just for practice.
–Murshida VA
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